Making Babies!

        MONDAY, JUNE 1ST.

         MAKING BABIES

    Don't panic over the title. Read on
and I'll explain.
    For most men the thought of a gang
of women gathering together in one place
at the same time is a scary proposition!
You always wonder what they do. But
you're not really sure you want to know!
     One such gathering took place
yesterday as family and friends held a
"Sprinkle" for my daughter-in-law in
anticipation of the arrival of her baby in
July. I think they're usually called
"Showers." But, whatever you call it,
it's a big event!
     There were so many tents set up in
the back yard I thought Ringling Brothers
might be making an appearance!
      There were tons of food! And all
kinds of wonderful, and thoughtful, gifts.
       The women at these events
entertain themselves with various, and
often unique games.
       Yesterday, for instance, the guests
were given Playdough from which they
were challenged to form their own
model babies. Imagines ran wild!
Somebody, who probably grabbed
too much of the modeling clay, even
made twins! One did a pretty good
Gumby!
       This is why men, like myself,
traditionally deliver their wives to these
celebrations and then go off somewhere
to hide for a couple hours!
       By the time I retrieved my wife
the food had been consumed, the gifts
had been delivered and a nursery of
Playdough babies was on display.
       Da Vinci wouldn't have stood
a chance with these "artists." On the
other hand, as a guy, he probably
would have been satisfied to have a
hot dog with me.
        Hope everyone enjoyed the
day and that all your NEWS is good!

      

    

Reaching The Boiling Point!

       SUNDAY, MAY 31ST

REACHING THE BOILING POINT!

   It happened yesterday!
   I finally reached the boiling point!
   What? Oh no. I wasn't mad.
   My wife and I decided to enjoy the
sunny skies my taking a ride in the
Miata. We went back to Hawaii.
    Well, not exactly "to Hawaii."
    We drove to Tunkhannock
where we took in the movie "Aloha"
which was filmed in Hawaii.
     We were headed back when I
looked at the temperature gauge and,
taking a cue from Goldilocks, said
"This engine is running too hot."
     Of course Goldilocks didn't have a
car. She was talking about porridge!
Apparently my engine was hot enough
to cook some of the stuff!
     We pulled over and added some
water to the overflow tank.
     That worked for about 10 miles.
At that point my heat gauge had
peaked (and probably wanted to
start around again!)
     So it was. We'd drive about 10
miles, stop, wait a bit, then add some'
water. On my next to last stop,
however, the overflow tank looked
and sounded like a volcano. We
waited a little longer that time!
      Eventually we nursed the car
home where it is now safely parked
and waiting for a radiator flush or
whatever the do to make sure porridge,
or my car, is cooking at the proper
temperature!
      Hope it's fixed in time to visit the
three bears, and that all your NEWS
is good!

 

A Cry In The Night!

      It is said there was a curse placed
on all those involved in the opening of
King Tut's Tomb.
      I had nothing to do with that
historical find. And yet, I too, seem to
be dealing with a diabolical curse!
      Over the last 10 or more years I
have faithfully attended concerts and
ceremonies at which my grandchildren
were among the performers or those
being honored.
     My trusty video camera was always
in hand to capture those magical moments.
     The kids have aged. The music
has changed. But one thing remains
the same.
     Each time I press the record button
on my camera someone with a small
child, usually a baby, sits nearby!
     Small children are not know for
their silence, And most all of my
tapes include some unusual sounds
that were not projected from the
stage.
     They range from cooing to screams!
     On Thursday evening my grandson
took over as photographer as his sister
received honors at a school ceremony.
      Last night I watched his tape and
listened as my grand daughter made her
speech.
     The curse has  spread!
     As she spoke an infant, closer to the
camera's microphone than her, sounded
out.... forever including its noises in our
memories.
     W.C. Fields once said "Never work
with animals or children." Perhaps he
should have added..Never sit near a kid
with your camera running!
     Hope some parents get the message
and that all your NEWS is good.

   

    

A Grand Night For Grand Daughters!

      FRIDAY, MAY 29TH

GRAND NIGHT FOR GRAND DAUGHTERS!

   Two of my grand daughters were in
the spot light last night!
    One celebrated her graduation from
8th grade while another took the stage
at a National Junior Honor Society
Induction ceremony!
     Both ceremonies, of course, were
held at the same time in two different
places. It's hard to split a grand parent
in half!
     We opted to attend the graduation
since our Honor Society representative
will be having one of those herself in
just a week. And we will make that.
      Not wishing to miss anything,
however, I gave my grandson a quick
lesson in videography and sent a
camcorder along with him to the
Honor Society festivities.
      My daughters are usually ready
for anything. Our graduate's mom.
for instance, brought along a basket
full of small tissue packages so she
and all the other mom's could contain
their tears,
      I don't yet know if my other
daughter was ready for her daughter's
speech. In it my grand daughter
picked her mom as her hero! I wonder
if they should have shared those tissues?
      Both young ladies also walked
away from their evening with some
impressive awards.
      Jenna, our graduate, was the class
Valedictorian and took home several
other honors as well.
      Kara, our National Junior Honor
Society representative, received the
Kimberly Biggs-Keil Memorial Award
for exemplary community service!
      Those who are familiar with my
academic abilities are now doing an
ancestry search to find out if these
young ladies are truly related to me!
      Maybe genius skipped my
generation?
      Hope these kids keep up the great
work, and that all your NEWS is good!

    

Rain Man!

      THURSDAY, MAY 28TH

              RAIN MAN
    Our front porch is usually a pretty
quiet place. Usually.
    That's why I was a bit surprised
when I heard all the racket out there
Wednesday afternoon.
    I would have opened the door to
check. But I didn't have to. The
door flew open all by itself!
    That sudden downpour that hit
our neighborhood just before 2:30
was accompanied by loud claps of
thunder and a stiff wind strong
enough to open the door and blow
over a metal stand holding several
rather heavy potted plants.
     My efforts to correct the situation
were greeted by a strong spray of
rain that made its way through our
screens and onto me!
     I surrendered pretty quickly,
realizing that repositioning the
stand would be fruitless while the
wind continued to roar. Nearby
trees were bending like they were
ready to snap. So was I.
     I was tried my best just to get
the stand back on its legs and pick
the plants off the floor. I put them
back on the stand although not
necessarily on their same spots.
     It only took about 90 seconds.
But it that time I was already soaked.
    I keep hearing we need rain.
But I'm not so sure why we needed
it on me!
    Hope you managed to stay dry
and that all of your NEWS is good!

       
    

Who, Me?

      WEDNESDAY, MAY 27TH

              WHO, ME? 

    I heard my name on TV yesterday.
    That, in itself, is not unusual. I'm
still on Electric City TV at least three
times every day and I tell all the
viewers my name.
    But on Tuesday someone else
mentioned my name. It was on
WBRE.
    I looked up quickly just to make
sure I hadn't been arrested for
something. Or died. I was pleased
that neither was the case.
    Instead my buddy Harold Jenkins
from NEPA Bloggers was announcing
that my Blog, "No News Is...Good News?"
had been selected as the Blog of the
Week! That's my blog, in general, not
any specific column.
    I'm doubly honored because it's the
second time I've been picked for
the recognition! My blog was selected,
or my name picked out of a hat, back
in February of 2012.
    If I knew my daily nonsense would
be so well received I would have been
a lot funnier when I was still on the
News beat!
    It might have even been easier then.
At least when I was dealing with the
politicians! They were usually good
for a laugh.
    These days I've come to realize
my daily life is pretty hilarious! That's
why I try not to take life too seriously.
    I am serious, however, when I say
thank you Harold, NEPA Bloggers,
and all of you to take the time to
see what kind of trouble I've gotten
into each day!
    Hope all your NEWS is good!

    
   

       

Hot Dog!

          TUESDAY, MAY 26TH

                HOT DOG!
    Some of the family gathered in our
yard for a Memorial Day picnic
Monday.
     My wife decided it would be a good
day to fire up that grill we reconditioned
a week or so ago.
     I volunteered to do the cooking. I
can't say I remember volunteering.
But I did find myself at the grill
tending to the hot dogs and hamburgers.
     In honor of the day I wore my old
"News Alliance" T shirt which sports
a flag on the front and back and my
western hat which offers protection
from the sun.
     Only problem is, the shirt is dark
blue and the hat is black! They don't
reflect the heat. They absorb it!
     The air temperature hovered in
the mid to high 80's. The gas grill
must have been kicking out close
to 650 degrees!
     I knew I was getting pretty hot.
But I didn't start worrying until I
saw that large bird circling overhead!
     Had I overcooked those Ballpark
Franks? No. I didn't think so! I've seen
enough desert movies to know what
it meant! That vulture, or whatever
it was, was waiting for me to keel over.
     I was the likely target since I
had already served all the burgers
and dogs.
     Not wishing to be served up
myself I adjourned to the Living
room and turned the air conditioner
on full blast.
     Hope the bird isn't waiting around
for dessert, and that all your NEWS
is good!

    

Sunday In The Park

       MONDAY, MAY 25TH

      SUNDAY IN THE PARK!

  We hit the road again yesterday. After
a Birthday dinner with family and some
friends my wife and I took the Miata
on some back roads to see what we
could find.
   In reality we've been on most of those
back roads many times over the years.
But when you head out in a direction
you haven't taken for awhile there's
always surprises just around the bend.
  We found ours at Eurana Park!
  I've written about this place before.
A visit there is like going back in time
to an era when most small communities
had their own park where families would
gather for picnics or concerts.
   Eurana Park was given to the town by
Charles Schwab and his wife Eurana in
1913.
   There's a large swimming lake,
refreshment stand, large pavilion, shelter
sheds, a  band shell and a  large
playground.
     Since it's the Memorial Day weekend
we expected to see kids enjoying a dip
in the lake and, perhaps, crowds gathered
by the band shell to enjoy a concert.
     Instead, the park was practically
empty!
     The only large "crowd" to be found
was in the water where thousands of
Pollywogs were heralding the arrival
of summer. How they knew it was the
Holiday weekend I'll never know. We've
never seen so many at one time!
     We did find a few folks inside the
building holding the basketball court.
We wandered in to use the rest room
then learned we were actually
crashing a kid's birthday party. Since
my wife shares her birthday with the
kid I figured we were OK.
    We didn't stick around for snacks,
But, truth be told, we had the remainder
of her birthday cake in the car.
    Someone suggested the park might
be opening officially for the season
today.
    I hope so. It's way too nice a facility
to let to the Pollywogs! Besides, they're
lousy in concert!
    Hope you stop by some day and that
all your NEWS is good!

Mulch Ado About Nothing

      SUNDAY, MAY 24TH

  MULCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!

  Today is my wife's Birthday!
On Friday we picked up the presents
she requested. Ten bags of Mulch!
   It's a lot less expensive than
jewelry. But it's a lot heavier!
   Yesterday I told you about her
doctor's advice to get more active.
Still, many of you wrote to me
suggesting that I'd be the one
spreading all that stuff around our
back yard.
    No way Jose!
    That's not to say my wife couldn't
use a helping hand.
    So, being a good guy I called my
12-year-old grandson to pitch in.
He did very well!
     My plans were to sit out this
garden insanity on the couch. And
I nearly made it.
     But, with two people tied up
spreading mulch somebody else
would have to cut the grass.
     I looked around. I was the only
one left. Oh well.
     Hope my wife enjoys her
Birthday and that all your NEWS
is good!

Doctor's Orders.

        SATURDAY, MAY 23rd

          DOCTOR'S ORDERS
     The doctor's advice, in a nut shell, was
"Get more active."
     It surprised me a bit. I try to walk a
little most mornings. And we trudged all
over the place, including "jungle like"
grass, when we walked to some of those
steep cliffs on Hawaii's Big Island just
a couple weeks ago.
    Anyway we went straight from the
doctor to Lowes where two young men
loaded ten bags of mulch into our van.
    When they turned down my request
to come home with me I realized I'd be
a big part of unloading those bags in
our yard.
     Mulch, of course, is an organic
ground covering usually made up of
material like decaying leaves.
     Since we just raked up piles of
those a couple week ago I wasn't sure
why we were now replacing them with
this new material that seems to come
in 50 pound bags!
     I guess it was part of the "Get more
active" prescription!
     WAIT A MINIUTE!
     This was my wife's appointment,,,,
not mine!
      I'm going back to the couch!
      Hope she enjoys spreading the
stuff and that all your NEWS is good.   
   

Borrowed Time

          Friday, May 22nd

    Hope you've enjoyed the last four
years! You weren't suppose to have
them. How soon we forget!
    According to a prediction made by
Christian Broadcaster Harold Camping
the world was suppose to end on May
21st., 2011.  Four years ago yesterday!
    That prediction prompted some of
his followers to sell their homes and
possessions in preparation for
Judgment Day.
    I took a chance and wrote a Bog
that day anyway. I kept writing even
after he "adjusted" his prediction to
October 21st., 2011. Guess I'm just a
risk taker. Or maybe I just remembered
that Camping had originally called for
the world to end in September of 1994.
    I had just about forgotten about
Camping when somebody pointed out
that the Mayan calendar ended abruptly
on December 21st., 2012!
   Surely that proved the world would
actually end on that date, What a
bummer. Right before Christmas!
    When that date found everybody
still here I had to run out quickly to
buy presents!
     Now here we are, 4 years later, and
it turns out we've got a whole year
left!
      A Professor from Salt Lake City
who was excavating with his students
at the site of the famous Donner party
disaster of 1847 found a time capsule
left by the settlers which contained 
a prediction that nations will begin using
biological warfare and that, in 2016,
one such disease will spread and kill all
of the humans on the planet.
     So we've all got some time. Well,
not all. The end of the world finally
did come for Harold Camping. He
died on December 15th of 2013.
     I wonder if he saw that coming?
     Enjoy everyday you have, and may
all your NEWS is good!

The Pickers Were Here!

     THURSDAY, MAY 21st

  THE PICKERS WERE HERE!

  The Pickers came by my place
yesterday! I saw them!
   But as much as I looked there
was no sign of Mike or Frank. And
certainly no trace of Danielle.
Although a couple of the guys might
have been sporting tattoos like hers.
    The crew that roared through our
neighborhood seemed to have a
little different system than the guys
on TV.
    First, they took absolutely
everything, Secondly I have to
believe they aren't looking to
resale anything since they were
crushing much of their take even as
they picked it up!
     In reality, these guys were part
of our Township's annual waste
cleanup drive.
     Armed with a Pay loader, a Dump
Truck, and some very strong arms,
they've been going everywhere in our
community cleaning up old sofas,
chairs, mattresses, and nearly everything
else residents have left along the curb
side. Unfortunately they weren't taking
cats!
    They have to work fast, A Township
worker told me there are actual "pickers"
that start making the rounds as soon as
people put their trash out.
     You know what they say. One man's
trash is another's treasure! That's
especially true if there's any metal out
there. The pickers head for that as soon
as they can so they can make a few bucks
at area Scrap dealers!
      There was an old sofa out
there that looked kind of neat to me. My
wife didn't seem to fancy it.
      It's a great service to those of us who
live in the township....no matter who's
doing the picking up!
      Hope my wife hasn't put out anything
I really need......and that all your NEWS
is good!

Casting Call

        WEDNESDAY, MAY 20TH

            CASTING CALL!

     It's amazing!
     On Monday I added the description
"Actor" to my Facebook profile.
     Yesterday I was asked to play another
part!
     A friend of mine is producing a short
film based on books she's written about
the sinking of the Andrea Doria.
     For you kids out there, the Andrea
Doria was a passenger ocean liner that
was rammed by the vessel Stockholm
during a foggy night on the Atlantic
in July of 1956. 52 people lost their
lives!
     But Pierette Simpson's movie is
about the heroic efforts that lead to
the survival of 1660 passengers and
crew members.
    She knows what she's talking about!
She and her grand parents were among
those survivors!
    Unfortunately the scenes she's envisioned
for me are to be filmed in Detroit in mid
June. Much as I'd like to be a part of her
production my family and I will be in
New Jersey for our annual vacation!
    It's a non-paying part so, in that respect,
it's just like the television work I'm doing
now.
    It would have been quite a challenge.
    She had wanted me to play journalist!
    Talk about being type cast!
    Heck I've still got clothes that fit the time
 period! In fact, I still wear them!
    I would have loved to stick a "PRESS"
sign in the brim of my hat or run after
survivors with a Kodak camera.
    I suppose Brad Pitt has turned down
some roles too!
    Hope he doesn't take any of mine, and
that all your NEWS is good.

   

My "New' Career!

        TUESDAY, MAY 19TH

         MY NEW CAREER!
   I have edited the profile on my
Facebook page. I added the word
"Actor."
   I was prompted by the premier of
the movie "All In Time" in which I
have a very small part.
   There are some really great actors
in the movie so, at first, I wasn't
sure I'd fit in.
   Then I realized....I've been acting
most of my life!
   One of my best roles came during
my school years when I could come
up with a contorted face and
impressive groan in a moment's
notice when I suddenly realized I
might be facing a test for which I
was totally unprepared!
   It's a challenging part! You've
got to display pain and discomfort
just short of that which would have
your parents carting you off to a
doctor's office!
   Then there was the "Innocent
role" Also know as the ...."It wasn't
me routine".... needed on very short
notice after you actually did do
something wrong. You could say
I was typecast for that one!
    A poor performance might, back
in those days, result in a
rough ending. Literally.
     Years later that acting technique
would come to mind when the
flashing red lights of a police
cruiser showed up in your rear
view mirror.
      "Sad" often proved challenging.
Especially when that boss you really
didn't care for announced he was
moving somewhere else.
      You'll got to seem sincere when
you say "We're really going to miss
you."
      Kids don't realize how a dose of
"Macbeth" can come in handy as
life goes on!
     Now that I've finally made it
to "the big screen" I'm so glad
I had all those years of rehearsal!
     Hope you make it a point to see
"All In Time" when it comes around,
and that all your NEWS is good!
   (No! I really mean it!)

    

   

Still At The Office!

          MONDAY, MAY 18TH

         STILL AT THE OFFICE!

    It's been two years since the final chapter
of "The Office" aired on NBC.
    I'm still watching the reruns. And they're
still bringing back memories of some of the
crazy characters I've worked with during on
on going broadcasting career. 
    I remember one boss way back in my early
radio days who walked in shortly after taking
the job and told me I was being moved to
mornings where he and I would be doing a
two-man comedy show!
    We became "Chet & Dave" and the program
was called "Sundial."
    I would watch him drive up in his topless
Austin Healey sports car every morning. He
either had no top or it didn't come up any more.
   Then he'd get out his quart of milk, needed
for his ulcer, come up to the studio and we'd
do the nuttiest things we could think of!
    I worked with an engineer who operated
under the assumption every piece of equipment
in the place, including the "News Car,"
belonged to him! He'd get like Dwight if you
wanted to use it for things like, well, gathering
news!
   Then there was the book keeper who practically
made you sign if you needed a new pencil!
    Those are just a few examples. I could describe
a lot more. But there's that thing about "protecting
the innocent!"
     I was glad to see the old episodes of The Office
running here are there on various channels.
     As long as they're running people will be reminded
there's a town called Scranton.
    I think that's a good thing.
    Now, back to work sorting all these paper products!
    Hope all your parties are like Scranton parties and
that all your NEWS is good!

 

Right On Track

         SUNDAY, MAY 17TH

       ON THE RIGHT TRACK?

  I've always said if I were President I'd
require railroads to return a caboose to
the end of every train. It's probably as
good a platform as any formal candidate
has offered thus far!
   Yesterday we found one. A Caboose,
not a candidate.
   Ironically it wasn't at the end of a train.
In fact there wasn't any train. Just a
Caboose and some railroad memorabilia.
   There was just enough sun, although
you often had to look for it, to prompt
us to put the top down in the Miata and
head out and about.
    After winding our way along back roads
here and there we found ourselves on route
690 not far from the community of Moscow.
(That's the one in Pennsylvania by the way.)
    We were coming up a hill when, suddenly,
we saw it! A big red Caboose standing on
just enough rails to hold the thing. No track
in front or behind.
    As luck would have it the unit sat just off
to the side of a Snack Stand appropriately
named "The Caboose!"
    Naturally we had to stop to enjoy the
ambiance and, in my case, a cheeseburger!
    We need more cabooses like this! Especially
if they come with cheeseburgers and vanilla
malts!
    Just goes to show my platform has merit!
    Hope I'm on the right track and that all
your NEWS is good!