The Theory Of Relativity!

      SATURDAY, AUGUST 8TH.
  THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY!

     Science wasn't my best subject when
I went to school. Of course most of my
teachers would probably tell you I didn't
have a best subject.
     I did enjoy watching my High School
Science teacher botch up a couple
experiments. He always got my attention
with a good laugh!
    Now I wish I had paid closer attention.
I could have saved myself a lot of work.
    My brother-on-law spent a couple days
with us this week. He noticed a couple
boards on my porch were in need of some
fresh paint. Next thing I knew he was on
a ladder scrapping and painting. He's the
same guy that helped me transfer home
heating oil from one tank to another the
day before.
     As I watched him work, and I emphasize
the word "watched", I thought about how
my grandson comes by every couple of
weeks to help cut the grass and pull weeds
in my yard.
    Suddenly it dawned on me! This must
be the theory of relativity! Relatives who
come by and do work at your house!
     I'm going to start researching my family
tree! I may never have to lift a finger again!
     Hope they all know how to get here...and
that all your NEWS is good!

     

The Neighborly Hillbillies!

        FRIDAY, AUGUST 7TH.

 THE NEIGHBORLY HILLBILLIES!

    Yesterday was suppose to be an
easy going day. My wife had her
hair appointment and I went along
as my brother-in-law took his car
in for an oil change.
     The afternoon was suppose to
be easy. It wasn't.
     One of my neighbors just
switched his home heating system
leaving him with a tank filled with
kerosene that's paid for but unusable
at his place. He graciously offered
the supply to us. There was, of
course, on condition. We had to
get it from his tank into ours!
     I got the feeling everyone in
the hardware store was watching me
and their cars after  I bought the
Syphon hose. But I immediately
brought it home for our project.
     We quickly learned that the
fuel in his tank was a mixture of
kerosene and a dirty sediment that
seems to have been settling there
for the past few years
      Like Old McDonald with his
cow I sat there holding the hose
as it filled the bucket destined for
my tank. Meanwhile my brother-
in-law worked the pump as if he
were trying to fill about a hundred
bicycle tires with air.
      Eventually my tank was near
filled so we recruited another
neighbor anxious to add some of
the surplus fuel to his tank.
       We may not have discovered
bubblin' crude like Jed Clampett.
But our tanks are filled in
anticipation of the eventual change
of seasons!
        Hope we don't need it too
soon and that all your NEWS is
good!

Christmas In July

       THURSDAY, JULY 6TH.

        CHRISTMAS IN JULY!

    Christmas in July has become a
popular summertime feature in some
places. A couple Youth organizations
run special activities for the kids and
there's a satellite radio station that digs
out old time programs originally aired
in December of the 1940's and 50's.
    Still, I was really surprised to find
a Christmas card in our mailbox the
other day! Either someone was really
getting a head start on the holiday or
this was a big joke. Well, as it turns
out, neither was the case.
     That became evident when we got
the second surprise and realized the
Christmas card was one we had sent to
an old friend last December!
     Apparently we had the address
slightly wrong and our season's greeting
could not be delivered. That was totally
understandable.
     BUT....where has the card been for
the past 7 months?!
     Our return address was clearly
posted on the envelope. In fact someone
must have used it to get it back to us
this week! I've heard of the "Dead
Letter Office." Maybe there's a "Critically
Ill Letter Office" too?
      I've got my friend's correct address
now. But, do I resend the card right
away or wait till this Christmas? Maybe I'd
better send it now in the hope it will
actually reach him by Christmas!
     Hope I beat the postage increase
and that all your NEWS is good!

 

Paroled

       WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5TH.

                  PAROLED!

       If all goes according to plan my
new grandson will be paroled today.
       He's been kept behind locked
doors since he was born on Sunday.
He's even got an electronic wrist
band that will prevent any of those
locked doors from opening if he
gets too close to them. Guess they'll
have to take that off if he's to make it
home!
       All kidding aside the security
systems in place at the hospital are
impressive! Visitors don't get in
unless the guard, I guess it's a nursing
supervisor, is satisfied you are who
you claim to be and have a legitimate
reason for seeing mother and child.
      I know my grandson and his mom
will be happy to get home. Of course
now he's got a record. And not just
finger prints! They've got prints of
both his feet!
      I'll have to remind him to wear
socks when he's old enough to raid
the cookie jar!
      Hope he goes straight.........home,
and that all his, and your, NEWS, is
good! 

Moma Don't Take My Kodachrom Away

            TUESDAY, AUGUST 4TH.

MOMA DON'T TAKE MY KODACHROM AWAY  

    The pictures of me as a baby are somewhat
limited. And all of them were in black and white.
The world was a lot more black and white in
those days.
     All of the cameras recorded images on film.
Each roll of film gave you a limited number of
photographs. And after you filled up a roll with
pictures you probably took your film to a drug
store which sent it away to be developed and
have the pictures printed.
      Some kids were probably a couple months
old by the time their parents got around to
getting their film processed.
       By the time most of you read this my new
grandson will be three days old. He has probably
been photographed more in those three days than
I was over the first year of my life. Of course I
made up for all those "lost pictures" by getting
into television!
       My grandson has posed for digital cameras,
at least one camcorder, and a host of cell phones
that double as cameras. And nobody had to go
to the drug store!
       Admittedly, I'm among those who will
usually have a camera aimed at him....and my
other grandkids as well. Heck, I've already
had him on TV!
        Who knows, maybe he, his sister, or
one of his cousins will become a big star or
President. They'll need an agent or Press
Secretary and maybe they'll remember
Grandpa with his camera!
        Hope my batteries last, and that all
your NEWS is good!

 
        
    

Accolades!

       MONDAY, AUGUST 3RD

             ACCOLADES!

    As promised my wife and I drove
to New Hope Saturday for the
Pennsylvania Premier of the movie
All In Time!  We hesitated just a
bit until my daughter-in-law assured
us our new grandson would wait till
sometime after the movie to have his
own debut. He waited till yesterday!
Thank you Anthony!
      A lot of people showed up for
the screening and it was apparent, from
the long ovation as the credits rolled,
they really liked what they saw! It was
also apparent from the three awards
the movie captured at the festival!
       After the showing some of the
people who made the movie a success
got to take the stage and answer
questions from the audience.
       Co Producers Chris Fetchko and
Marina Donahue, our male lead Sean
Modica, and our star singer Laura Shay
explained some of the trials they went
through over a period of several years
to get the movie put together.
       Both of my wives got to meet
each other as did both of my sister-
in-laws and I'm happy to say they
all got along well.
       It was so great, knowing the plot
and it's twists and turns, to hear the
audience reaction as the story unfolded.
       My sister-in-law, the real one,
even gave me a thumbs up after my
short scene. This is the same gal who
responded to the guy who hacked my
email, claimed I was stuck in England
and needed money, by telling him to
keep me there.
       Speaking of my sister-in-law, the
real one, she brought a gang of friends
to the movie screening. We shared a
meal together afterwards and talked
about the film. I like this gang. My
four lines in the flick already have
them convinced I'm a star! Of course
they did have several glasses of
wine.
      Hope they're still feeling the
same way sober and that all their
and your NEWS is good!

My Night In The Hospital!

       SUNDAY, AUGUST 2ND.

   MY NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL!

     A funny thing happened just after
my wife and I returned from the New
Hope Film Festival. My son called to
tell us my daughter-in-law had gone
into labor!
      He immediately set out to take
her to the hospital. I can't understand
why this has been such a common
occurrence!
      I was born at home and was
perfectly content to start life out right
in my own house! Heck, my Dad even
had comfortable familiar furniture in
which he could wait out my delivery!
      Anyhow, my wife and I like
to be in the waiting room when our
grandkid's decide to get born so we
headed to the hospital too.
       We arrived at the hospital at about
11:30 Saturday night. I'm thinking that
the waiting room may also double as a
meat locker for hospital workers. The
air temperature seemed to have been
set with Antarctica in mind.
      After a long trip and given the hour
it seemed wise to get a little sleep while
we waited. We were then faced with a
serious decision. Did we keep our coats
on as protection against the cold or use
them as pillows?
       I choose the pillow option. Ever
try to fold a coat or jacket over the
armrest of a chair so that it resembles
something soft? Sorry Charlie.
       Then there was the soda machine.
It willingly accepted my dollar bills.
But it rejected my quarters. Unfortunately
the soft drinks were a dollar fifty! After
several tries it finally realized my coins
were good too and released my
beverage.
        As it turned out, it was well worth
the chill and the wait. Around 9:30 this
morning Anthony David DeCosmo
entered this world and all of its
wonders to begin his life among us!
Welcome to the world and our family
my dear Grandson! May all your NEWS
be good!!!!