I Heard That!

    I got a big jump on today's unique
holiday! According to one of the many
websites that identify bizarre and
unusual holidays, March 31st is
"National She's Funny That Way Day."
    I began the celebration with another
one of those shopping trips with my
wife. Most of you know how I enjoy
shopping.
    No sooner had we entered the market
when I heard her say something. That,
in itself, is unusual because I usually
can't hear what she's saying. She
speaks very quietly. She's funny that way.
    But, this time, I heard her very clearly.
    "Do I want oranges", she asked.
She seemed to be addressing the
question to herself.
     She's funny that way.
     I tried to explain that I didn't know if
she wanted oranges.
     I never heard an answer. But I didn't
have to. I saw her pick out a bag of
oranges and put it in our cart.
     It happened again as we looked
over the supply of turkeys for Easter
dinner.
      "I wonder, should I get two"
she asked.
     Not sure if that one was directed
to me so I didn't answer. But we do
have two turkeys!
      I don't know if she asked
anything else. I didn't hear anything.
But we came back with about 9 bags
of groceries!
      Someone once told me some
people have to talk to themselves
because it's the only way they can
have an intelligent conversation.
       I think my wife feels that way
when I'm with her.
       She's funny that way!
       Hope she answered all her questions
and that all your NEWS is good!

Call The Doctor!

   It's March 30th everybody! And that means
it's "National Doctor's Day!"  It's a day set
aside to show your appreciation to all those
physicians who try to keep us well or make us
better when we're sick!
   There was a time when I thought I'd like to
be a Doctor. Then I found out how long you
had to go to school! I changed my mind!
    Even though I didn't become a physician
I do support a number of them. I have
undoubtedly helped them by cars, boats, and,
very probably, mansions!  
    In fact, as I've grown older my "collection"
of doctors has grown substantially!
    At this point I see four on a regular basis.
And that doesn't include my dentist who, of
course, is technically a doctor.
    I've also had the "pleasure" of submitting
myself to the expertise of about three others
who are considered specialists. Two more
and I'll have enough for a baseball team.
    My family doctor is the most understandable
of the lot. Most of the others speak in technical
and medical terms that I don't understand and
forget how to pronounce minutes after they've
talked with me.
    And have you ever noticed that, usually,
when a doctor walks into the examining room
he usually asks "How are you?"
    Why don't any of us answer honestly and
say "I'm not here because I feel great!"
    Unlike some of the other unusual "holidays"
I've mentioned from time to time this one is
official!
     The day marks the anniversary of the first use
of general anesthesia in surgery. The first National
Doctor's Day was celebrated in 1991.
     On March 30, 1958, the United States House of
Representatives adopted a resolution commemorating
Doctors' Day. In 1990, the congress and the senate
approved legislation establishing National Doctors
Day. The resolution designating March 30 as
National Doctors' Day was signed by President
George Bush.
    Since it's too late to mail cards we should all just
 call our doctors and wish them well.
   Odds are you'll get the Answering Service so you'll
just have to leave a message.
  Hope you're feeling well and that all your NEWS
is good!

NIAGARA, ON THE ROCKS!

   This is a very big day at Niagara Falls.
   But it's no Honeymoon!
   March 29th is "Niagara Falls Runs Dry
Day!"
   Local residents, and tourists, will be
celebrating an event that took place on
March 29th of 1848!
   Ice blocked the river on that day and
literally shut off the falls!
   I saw the same thing! But it was in
1969! Yep! I saw Niagara Falls turned
off!
   My wife and I were on our Honeymoon
at the time and Niagara Falls was on our
list of places we wanted to see.
   Imagine our surprise when we got there
and found the falls, at least the American
falls, dry!
    It wasn't some David Copperfield trick
or the biggest plumbing problem you
ever saw. It was science.
    A team of engineers was conducting a
survey to determine how quickly the edge
of the falls was deteriorating. To do that
that had to stop the flow of water. So they
built a earth dam upstream and diverted
all of the river water over to the Canadian
falls.
    Any would be dare devil, thinking of
that old "over the falls barrel trick," probably
had second thoughts if he or she saw what's
really under those thousands of tons of
water that pour over the brink every second!
    People riding aboard the popular "Maid
of the Mist" got an up close view of boulders
as big as the iceberg that sank the Titanic!
    It was probably the biggest thing at the
Falls since 1953 when Marilyn Monroe
filmed a movie there!
    Of course the water is flowing again
these days. But the community, on both sides
of the border, is always looking for a reason
to celebrate. And you can be sure that none
of the pubs there will be "dry" today!
    I'll toss an ice cube or two in my Diet
Dr. Pepper and raise a toast to the falls
today!
    Hope you'll get there one of these days
and that all your NEWS is good!

             Niagara Falls 1969

 

 

Cat On A Cold Tin Roof!

   Circumstances find me in a literary mood.
   The disappearance of snow in the
neighborhood has resulted in the
reappearance of felines. Of course they
never really left. In fact, they've multiplied.
    We've seen a couple from time to time
throughout the winter.
     But there's a lot more tracks around
now that melting snow and ice has allowed
us to fill up our bird feeders.
     I guess the cats like to watch the birds
eat.
     Maybe that's why they've been looking
for a better vantage point.
      At first we thought the occasional
sounds coming from our roof were made
by tree limbs blowing in the wind. But
they didn't stop when the breeze did!
      Then, yesterday, I caught a glimpse
of something moving on our neighbor's
roof. Seems at least one of cats is
staking out roof tops to either watch
over or pounce on our feathered friends.
     He, or she, or they appear to be
alternating between the top or our house
and our neighbor's roof.
     I wonder if there's a way I can get a
big dog up there?
     My apologizes to Tennessee Williams for
borrowing and altering the title of his famous
play. Hot or cold I'd much rather have a Fiddler
on my roof!
      Hope all your cats are accounted for and
that all your NEWS is good.

    

The Great Train Robbery!

     It's not everyday you get to rob a
train! As a matter of fact the last
job my gang pulled off was over
40 years ago!
     I posted a photo of the "heist"
for Throwback Thursday yesterday
and it got a lot of attention.
     I thought some of you might
want to know more about this
crime of the century.
     I was the news director of
WILK at the time. The station
had just switched to a Top 40 music
format and we were looking for a
"different" way to promote the staff.
     At about the same time a station
in New York was billing itself as
the "Home of the Good Guys."
     We decided to turn that around.
     And so, with black hats, 6 guns,
and rifles in hand we traveled to a
old time Railroad attraction in
Columbia County and talked the
operator into allowing us to "rob"
his train!
     Of course we needed a good guy
to hold up. And we got a great one!
Long before he became famous for
his "Uncle Ted's Ghoul School, Ted
Raub volunteered to play the train
Conductor.
     We also had a lot of good guys
playing the "Bad Guys."
      A few of you may remember
some of them:  Tommy Sommers,
Mike Kay, Don Bruce, Guy Randall,
Dan Stenger, Frank Ceretta, Larry
Wallison, and Jim McCarthy Sr.
       Wallison and I grabbed the
Wells Fargo Box. But after they
took the pictures we had to give it
back!
       They say crime doesn't pay
but we got a lot of mileage out of
those photos and some good press
for "The Bad Guys!"
       Some of our Hole in the Wall
Gang are gone now. The railroad
is just a memory too.  And all of us
have gone our separate ways.
        But I get a smile whenever I
remember the day we held up the
CP&W Railroad! It really was a
great train robbery!
       Hope the statute of limitations
has expired and that all your NEWS
is good.
    

The Jersey Boys!

   My wife and I have been happy to
support all kinds of fund raising
efforts designed to help the schools
attended by our grandkids.
    We've bought candy bars, Easter
candy, and pizza.
     We've "bought" horses for
"Nights at the Races." And that was
well before the state said it was OK
for charities and non profits to join
the ranks of casinos and the folks
who race actual horses for money.
      We've played the numbers in
the name of education.
       And a portion of all those
donations have been used to support
local schools.
        Yesterday we joined in the best
fund raiser we've see to date!
         A Jersey Mike's Sub restaurant
not far from our home was donating
100% of all of it's profits for the day
to a school one of our grand daughters
attends.
        Ever since he operated a single
store in Point Pleasant Beach, NJ, Jersey
Mike’s founder, Peter Cancro has believed
in giving back to the community.
       Throughout the month of March
customers at more than a hundred Jersey
Mike's outlets were encouraged to give to a
local charity or non profit that partnered
with the restaurant. Yesterday, during the
chain's "Day of Giving" 100% of all
profits were given to those partners!
        That made my cheese steak all the
more enjoyable! And the only number
that had to be called was the one indicating
my order was ready! Talk about a good
bet!
        I like the tune these Jersey Boys are
singing!
        Hope I can find one of those candy
bars for desert...and that all your NEWS
is good!

       

What Was That? !!!

   Search as long and hard as you can.
There's little chance you'll spot the
Honoree of today's holiday in the
cold waters of the Susquehanna river!
   Today is Manatee Appreciation
Day!
   Manatees are large marine mammals
that migrate coastal waters between
Florida and as far north as Virginia
each year. As far as I know they have
never swum up to Wilkes-Barre.
   We got a close up look a some of
them when we visited Florida last
year. In short, we had to migrate to
see them!
    There are only an estimated 3,200
of the animals left in the U.S. these
days. They've got no natural enemies,
but they've lost much of their habitat
to coastal development.
    Back in the days when sailors
actually used sails to cruise the seas
Manatees were sometimes thought
to be Mermaids!
    I found that a bit hard to understand
until I remembered that those old
sailors were often treated to rations
of Rum every day!
    No wonder so many spotted
Mermaids and Sea Monsters back
then!
    I'm not exactly sure how we're
suppose to celebrate Manatee
Appreciation Day. Perhaps we can
raise a glass of Rum to the creatures
and have a toast!
    Come to think of it, even if we're
not in Florida, with enough Rum we
should be able to see them anyway!
    Hope you see one (there or here)
and that all your NEWS is good!

A Close Call!

     I had a really close call
yesterday. But it had nothing to
do with my morning walk or my
drive, dodging potholes, on the
way to Scranton!
     When my wife returned from
the market with some steaks
I learned that I would be cooking
dinner on the grill. I don't cook
anything in the kitchen. I'm not
allowed!
     The grill has been sitting outside
all winter waiting, like the rest of
us, for the real cook out weather to
show up.
      Quickly uncovered, I fired up
the unit and carefully placed the
steaks over the flames.
       Fortunately they were thin
cuts of meat. I was just seconds
from placing them on the serving
plate when I heard a "puff" and
saw all the flames go out!
       I had run out of gas!
       That was a close one!
       I don't remember the last
time that propane tank was
filled. But I'm very happy there
was just enough left to finish the
steaks! I like my meat cooked!
       If summer ever shows up
I'll change the tank and hope to
get another couple seasons or
a thousand hot dogs, which ever
comes first! 
       Hope I can remember where
I put that gas wrench and that all
your NEWS is good!

   

My Kind Of Holiday!

     Saint Patrick's Day and all of its related
paraded and celebrations seem to get all the
attention during March.
      That's too bad because there are a lot of
other things well worth celebrating in this
month which heralds the arrival of Spring.
       Take today, for instance, This is
"World Meteorological Day." It is also
"Near Miss Day." I wonder if that's just
a coincidence?
        Anyway, yesterday was "National
Goof Off Day!"
        I've been rehearsing for that one
for many years! I think I've just about
got it down to a science.
        They did a survey a few years back
and found that most of those who
"celebrated" this unusual holiday did so
by playing video games.
       That seemed a bit strenuous for me.
       I elected to set my satellite radio to
some quiet music and relax on the porch
where the green house effect brought the
temperature to a very acceptable 75
degrees or so.
       I would have no objections to
extending this observance to a week or
more. In fact "National Goof Off Month"
seems to offer a lot of potential to my
way of thinking.
      Sorry I waited till today to tell you
about the celebration. But, I was goofing
off!
       Hope you'll mark it on your
calendar and that all your NEWS is good!

 

In Search Of Big Foot!

   The hunt officially began yesterday.
It was, however, prompted by that
incident in the woods not far from my
house about a week ago.
    Regular readers of this Blog will
remember. I had a flat tire.
    I've outlined the frustrating efforts
I put into getting my vehicle back on
4 wheels again. But I may have failed
to mention something else that happened
along the side of that cold and lonely
back road!
    I got dirty!
    And those very supportive sneakers
I purchased a few months back picked
up a good deal of that dirt.
     My wife suggested we get a new
pair. That way I could knock around in
the first pair and use the new ones for
fancy occasions.
     Of course those sneakers were
purchased at a specialty shop where I
was carefully measured and fitted. And
they didn't come cheap!
      Knowing the same brand was available
at other locations we set out to find a
second pair. And we found plenty.
      I found a number that were very
similar to my original pair. Some varied
in color a bit. All were less expensive
than my originals. But NONE of them
fit!
     Seems they all come in exact sizes.
You know. 10's, 11's, and 12's.
      The dirty ones that fit me so well
happen to be 10 and one half! And
nobody we visited had anything in a
"half size!"
      The 10's were far too tight and
as I tried walking in 11's my heel kept
trying to leave the confines of the
sneaker!
       I need a 10 and a half. I need to
find my "Big Foot!"
       Maybe I'll just try some soap and
water. But, if I do that, will my 10 and
a half's shrink?
       What a monster of a problem!
        Hope I find a half size at half
price...and that all your NEWS is good!

SPRING FEVER

      So, Spring showed up yesterday.
Unfortunately it showed up on the
same day Winter decided to say good
bye with a couple inches of fresh
snow!
      The trees and grass, at least I
think it was grass, I only got to see it
for an afternoon, was covered in
white.
       And the river was filled with
enough ice to sink an entire fleet
of Titanics!
       We thought the fresh snow and
cold would have the neighborhood
skunk hunting for food and, maybe,
wandering into our trap.
       But the only tracks around the
small cage were made by birds, of
all sorts, that had probably flown
in hoping to celebrate Spring.
       A friend called to suggest I
be very careful should I trap the
Polecat. He was afraid I might
get sprayed even though it were in
the cage.
       Actually there was no chance of
that happening. I didn't want to go
out in the snow and, if we did trap
him, I was going to let somebody
else handle it. Maybe my wife?
       Not to worry everybody.
       Spring may have arrived
yesterday, but today is our first
full day of the new season.
       I'm hoping for a lot more
sunshine, a lot more warmth,
a lot more birds, and at least
one less skunk!
        Hope for the best and that
all your NEWS is good.

Something's In The Air!

   It's true. Something's in the air!
And it's not Spring!
   We first noticed the late night
sounds around the perimeter of
our house a few days ago.
    But this was no burglar. Yes,
the visitor, or visitors, were in black.
But that black was highlighted
with a white stripe.
    Yep. Skunks! aka Polecats!
    Our neighbor's dog confronted
one Wednesday night. Yesterday
we saw the neighbors preparing
a Tomato juice bath for the K9 in
the hope it would neutralize the
perfume left behind by his
adversary.
     The nightly noise and
unmistakable odor has us
convinced one or more of the
critters have been camping out
near if not under our front porch!
      Last night we left a snack out
for the Polecat. It's inside a rather
large cage.
      Should it stay for breakfast
someone will  have to remove him
to other quarters.
      I expect to be busy....with
anything else I can think of!
      Hope we have some Tomato
juice, just in case, and that all
your NEWS is good!

    
    

       

UPS OOPS!

     I see a lot of interesting things when
I'm out on my morning walks.
     Yesterday was no exception.
     Yesterday I saw the UPS man looking
a little down.
      I was in Pittston in the area of East
Oak Street.
      For those of you unfamiliar with
that thoroughfare East Oak Street is
Pittston's equivalent of Lombard Street
in San Francisco. It's not crooked like
Lombard. But it is very steep!
      The UPS truck was about 25 feet
long. And, as the driver quickly learned,
it doesn't bend in the middle!
       The front bumper and wheels
handled the quick change in elevation
very well. The back wheels and bumper
did not! In fact that back bumper sat
firmly on the pavement of North Main
Street freezing the huge truck in place!
         The Police showed up to offer
what help they could. And by the time
I returned a half hour later both the
cruiser and the UPS truck were gone.
         Maybe those proposed Drone
deliveries aren't such a bad idea!
          Wonder how much brown paint
it takes to cover the scrape marks on a
truck bumper?
           Hope the customer got his
package...and that all your NEWS
is good!

          
         
     
     

I Thought He Was Coming To Dinner!

    Saint Patrick's Day turned out to
be busier than I had expected.
     We took in a movie, stopped by
for a blood test, and got some
shopping done.
     Back home we enjoyed some
Irish music on one of those TV
music channels. It brought back
some pleasant memories of our
visit to the Emerald Ilse last year.
    That's when I heard the plane!
     I remembered hearing that
the Vice President, Joe Biden,
was stopping by for a Saint
Patrick's Day dinner visit!
     And sure enough, there he
was. Right over the house on
Air Force Two!
     I waved, then waited. It was
just a bit too high to se if he was
waving back.
     But long after his aircraft
must have landed there was no
sign of him in our driveway.
     I guess when I heard them
report he was coming here for
dinner they didn't mean "here"
as in "here for dinner" at my
house!
     He must have got an invite
from somebody else.
     Well it's his loss. My wife
made ham and cabbage so
now they'll be a little extra for
left overs!
      Hope somebody fed him...
and that all your NEWS is
good. 

 

St. Patty's Parades..Who's Counting?

   It's Saint Patrick's Day. But, by now, most of
the Irish in our area are Paraded out!
   Scranton's huge parade got rained on this
year and the temperature was a bit on the cool
side for marchers in Wilkes-Barre.
    Folks in Pittston pulled off what they
billed as their second annual Saint Patrick's
Parade.
    But I say it was their third...and I remember
the first one!
    As evidence I offer my Blog from March 18th
of 2012. Have a look.
              MARCH 18th., 2012
    The streets in Pittston were strangely quiet
yesterday as I tool my stroll.
   Pittston, of course, is know for its strong
connection to the Italian culture.
   Still there were tributes to Saint Patrick's
day here and there.
    A craft shop that makes and sells ceramic
items had one window filled with Irish bowls
and clovers. That was kind of impressive
because the owner is conducting a "Retirement
Sale" and its windows will soon be empty.
   Another place had cut outs of shamrocks
pasted here and there while a music
store on North Main Street had placed
colorful Irish hats of busts of Chopin and
Bach! I had no idea those guys were Irish!
   The "highlight", however, was the full
sized statue of a mule with an Irish
chapeau set atop its head! That one you
couldn't miss!
    The gentleman I saw walking towards
me was apparently Irish too.
    He sported a tall green hat, solid green
shirt and spoke with what seemed to be
a real Irish accent.
    He wondered why the city wasn't doing
more for Saint Patrick's Day. The mule
didn't seem to make too much of an
impression. He noted the fact that
Scranton and Wilkes-Barre had held their
parades a week before the actual holiday.
    He wished something had been
planned for Pittston as well.
    I agreed but suggested, since nothing
was planned, that he might well stage
his own parade by just walking up and
down the sidewalks along Main Street.
    The thought cheered him and, as I
walked away, I thought I heard him
humming an Irish tune. I believe he's
still marching!
    It may have been the start of the only
Saint Patrick's Day March ever held in
Pittston!
    I didn't get a chance to snap his
picture. But I did get the mule!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
   And so as Walter Cronkite used to
say, "That's the way it was."
    Hope you have a good Saint Patrick's
Day and that all your NEWS is good!

WEARING OF...THE PURPLE!

    I know. For the past two days all we've
heard about is Saint Patrick Parades in
just about every town that has a Main
Street.
   Everybody, marchers and watchers,
have been decked out in green.
   But Saint Patrick's Day isn't until
tomorrow.
   And today is Saint Urho's Day!
   This guy never made it quite as big
as the Irish Saint. But today is his
day and it will be celebrated, mainly
in Finland and Minnesota!
    According to the legend , while
Saint Patrick was driving all the snakes
out of Ireland Saint Urho was driving
all the Grasshoppers out of Finland.
    Of course there are those who say
the story of Saint Urho was concocted
by Finnish immigrants to Minnesota
who were tired of hearing the Irish
rave about Saint Patrick.
    They set Saint Urho's day for
March 16th to get a day's start on
celebrating with beer! Those folks claim
there really is no such person at all, but
just an attempt to get to the "green beer"
before the Irish do.
    Anyone who has witnessed
Scranton's Saint Patrick's
celebration can tell them they're
a dime short even if a day early!
     Should you choose to celebrate
anyway Saint Urho's colors are said
to be Purple and Emerald Green.
     Whether he actually exists or not
there are statues to Saint Urho in
Finland and Minnesota.
      I don't believe there are any
in this region. Perhaps celebrators
can substitute the bust of Jason
Miller on Courthouse Square in
Scranton.
    And, if the bleachers are still in
place, maybe they can stage a quick
march around the Square with their
banners and beer.
    If the beer's all gone......maybe
they can order a "Grasshopper!"
    Now if we can only come up with
a Saint that chases politicians!
    Hope some of the pipers stayed
in town...and that all your NEWS
is good!

    The official colors for Saint Urho's
Day are Purple and Emerald Green.
   

Curtain Up!

   It's just short of 4 years since I
auditioned for a small part in a
movie being filmed right here in
Luzerne County. And I got it!
   It's a lot different than shooting
a news story for TV.
   In my news days we'd come in
at 9, decide on our story, head
into the field, get our interview
and supportive video, come back
to the studio, write and edit our
story and have it on the air by
6pm.
   Seems ironic that movies, which
begin with a written script, take
years to finish.
    Of course our news stories only
ran for a maximum of 90 seconds.
Movies are closer to 90 minutes!
    Over these past four years
Producer Chris Fetchko has been
working almost daily to perfect
his film. He's edited and re-edited
video and sound, enhanced the
color, and even had some of the
main characters come back to
record additional lines.
    I didn't have to come back
and that's just as well. They'd
either have to invest a lot in
makeup or try to explain the lines
in my face that showed up over
those same four years!
    The title of the movie is "All
In Time" which seems especially
appropriate after "all this time."
    Anyway the finished product
will finally see the light of day, or
in this case the darkness of a
theater, at the Houston International
Film Festival next month.
    Just yesterday we learned that
the Pennsylvania premier will
take place at the New Hope Film
Festival in July.
    With literally thousands of
entries being submitted to the
various festivals around the country
it's a real tribute to Chris and the
rest of the cast and crew to have
this "regional" production picked
to be screened.
     I can't wait to see me and my
wife, well my other wife, on the
big screen! (They gave me one
for the movie scene!)
     Hope you get to see it around
here before to long and that all
your NEWS is good.

    
    

I'LL TAKE CHERRY!

   I got real excited when I found out this
was National Pie Day. But then I learned
the truth.
   Turns out it's "National Pi Day."
   Pi, I'm told, Is a  mathematical concept
 and a number that never ends.
   But it begins with 31415 and that, of
course, is today's date.
   Today is also Albert Einstein's
Birthday. I'm told he was pretty good
with math. So was my brother. He
actually taught the stuff!
    I was not my cup of tea, even with
pie.
    I remember studying extra hard for a
High School math test because I was
doing so poorly in the class. I did so
well the teacher accused me of
cheating and made me take it again.
    I passed again and that pretty
much ended my interest in math.
    As far as I know I've never used
the Pi theory since the last time I
was in a math class.
    My brother used to tell me
Pi r square. I responded  "Pie
are round. And I'll take Cherry!"
    I'd join the celebration today
But I'd just end up going round in
circles. And it would take a
mathematician to figure out how
big those circles are!
     I rather use a baked circle and
add a scoop of ice cream!
     Hope the day adds up for you
and that all your NEWS is good!

   
   

SPARE ME!

    I hadn't heard the sound for many years.
But I heard it yesterday!
    The unmistakable rumble of a tire
surrendering its air and going flat as I
drove.
    It happened on a back road not far
from my house.
    I had no idea what caused the
problem. I only knew I'd have to deal
with it.
    I slowly rolled to a spot just off the
road. It was enough to keep me and my
vehicle out of the way of passing cars.
   Unfortunately it was not quite enough
to keep me clear of the sticker bushes
growing all too close to the flat!
   My first order of business was to
find out where my jack was hidden.
I found it in a hidden compartment
in the back of the van.
   As it happens, however, the back
section of our van was packed tight
with things we might need in an
emergency. Those things, as it
turned out, were blocking the first
thing I needed for this emergency!
    So, after clearing out the space,
I was able to get the jack out, dodge
the stickers, (well most of them) and
place it under the car. I loosened the
lug nuts with my trusty 4-way wrench
and removed the dead tire.
    Next I pulled out the spare and
began to lift it into place. It was
heavy and cumbersome. It did
not want to go into place!
    Fast forward some 45 minutes,
repositioning my aching body
on the cold ground, stickers
attacking at every opportunity,
and trying to lift the uncooperative
spare onto the wheel. I may have
said "Fudge" a few times along the
way. Or maybe it was "Darn!"
     Someone finally stopped to
help. He was the one who
confirmed my theory that my
spare was mounted on a
different sized wheel! There
was no way it would ever have
fit!
     At that point I sent for the
"Motor Club", my wife, who
transported my flat to Jack
Williams where we exchanged it
for a new tire.
     As I write we are waiting
for another new tire and wheel
to use as a spare.
     Hopefully I'll get all these
stickers out by the time it arrives
and that all your NEWS is good!

The "A" Teams!

    A couple thousand students from
throughout eastern Pennsylvania
showed up at the Penn State Wilkes-
Barre Campus yesterday to take part
in the annual Science Olympiad.
    These young men and women
showed off their skills in all sorts
of science related demonstrations.
     All of their efforts were very
impressive!
      That said, I felt sad I couldn't
join in the competition. I have an
extensive science background!
       I think I was about Junior
High School age when I blew up
my Chemistry set in our basement.
       Actually it was only a test tube
that exploded, knocking the set over
and spilling more than half of its
chemicals. If only I could have
perfected that mixture before it
blew. I could have made dynamite
obsolete!
      I know I watched carefully in
High School when my teacher did
a similar experiment. I believe
some glass from his test tube is
still embedded in the ceiling of the
old Hazleton High School.
     I remember learning, from that
same teacher, that you don't put
the palm of your hand on a counter
top where you've just spilled a
couple drops of acid. He was a
great teacher!
     Later on, during my broadcasting
career, I developed the character,
wrote the scripts, and acted in a
series called "Mr. Chemistry."
     It was, ironically, about a
chemist/inventor who usually got
himself into trouble. I wonder who
inspired me?
     Unlike me, or "Mr. Chemistry",
all of the students who competed in
the Olympiad seem to know what
they're talking about. Some got
prizes. But all are winners! And
they've all got the formula for
success!
      Hope we cheer for all of them
they way we would a Football team,
and that all your, and their, NEWS
is good!

     
      

A SHORT (s) STORY!

  Our planned trip to Hawaii is just about
a month away now.
   Judging from my wife you'd think it was
tomorrow.
   All sorts of summer like clothes have
been carefully placed on the bed in our
spare room. It's their final stop before
being packed away into our luggage.
   I should add that a half dozen people
have already inquired as to whether we
needed someone to carry our baggage for
the journey!
    My wife suggested that something was
missing with regard to my wardrobe. She
said I needed more casual shorts.
    It should be noted at this point that I
don't wear causal shorts very often. There
are a couple of reasons behind that
decision.
   First, I'm prone to skin cancer so I
usually stay covered up as much as is
comfortably practical.
   Secondly, alas, my James Bond like
legs look a bit more like Ernest Borgnine
limbs these days.
    The main reason, however, is that I
don't like going out to buy them! You
know, having to try on 15 different
pair (unless you're shopping without
your wife) in one of those little closets
the Big Box stores laughingly call
"Fitting Rooms."
     Hoping to avoid the situation I
carefully steered my wife away from the
Men's Department during our last big
shopping trip and reminded her that I
had two pair stored away, somewhere
safe.
     I was able to locate both during a
search earlier this week. But it wasn't
enough.
     During a shopping trip of her own
my wife found a pair which she assures
me will be perfect after a bit of ironing.
     They do fit, although I complained
they didn't look quite right to me.
      Later today she has insisted that I
try them on again...without my suit
coat and tie!
      Hope that will avoid any more
shopping...and that all your NEWS
is good!

Did You Sleep Through The Holiday?

   I was happy to join the big
celebration yesterday!
   As you may, or may not, know
 it was National Napping Day!
   Created by a Professor from
Boston University in 1999, Napping
Day is an unofficial holiday set aside
to help people adjust to Daylight
Savings Time.
    After losing an hour of sleep to
"spring forward," people are more
sleep-deprived and find it easier to
nap. And anything that makes
napping easier is OK by me!
    I was aided in my personal
celebration by the plastic sheets
covering our front porch screens.
    As the afternoon sunlight turned
the porch into a greenhouse the near
50 degree temperature outside climbed
to about 70 or so in there.
    I substituted some soft music for
the traditional fireworks used on most
"holidays" and managed to begin my
participation within 10 or 15 minutes!
    I couldn't find any information as
to how long I was suppose to celebrate.
That is nap.
    I put in about an hour or so before
some candidate stopped by looking
for someone to sign his nominating
petition. I didn't sign!
    I figured if he was a good patriotic
candidate he'd be home napping!
    I can see great potential for this
holiday. In fact, I'd like to celebrate
every day.
    I think they already have a similar
on going holiday in Mexico. It's called
Siesta! Let's bring it over the border!
    Hope you joined in the celebration
and that all your NEWS is good!

     
  

Very Revealing!!!!!

   Yesterday was a first for my wife and I.
Our very first REVEAL Party!
    In just a few short months we will
become grandparents again!
    Yesterday the new Mom and Dad,and
a new Big Sister,gathered family members
together to learn whether the new arrival
will be a girl or a boy.
     Two people shared the secret in advance
and the new parents were NOT part of that
pair!
     A box filled with balloons was waiting
for the entourage and at a given signal
they were to be released. Blue for a boy.
Pink for a girl.
     I started by saying this was our first
Reveal Party. That's not completely true.
     We had what amounted to a Reveal
Party when our daughters and son were
born.
     In our case, though, the "guests" all
wore Hospital Gowns and masks and it
was not balloons released from a
cardboard box that reveled the gender of
our new arrivals. The arrivals all
announced themselves!
     We didn't have Ultrasound to show
us who we could expect.
      We had to rely on other forms of
science if we wanted a clue.
       For instance, you could take off
your  wedding ring, tie it to a piece of string,
and hang it over the expectant Mom's belly.
If it swings in a circle, you are promised a
boy; back and forth indicates a girl.
      Another so called sure bet was a Mom's
craving for chocolate. That meant you were
going to have a little girl. Salty and sour
cravings indicated a boy.
      I never trusted that one. My wife has
always favored chocolate, even before our
son was born.
      Come to think of it we never had any
food in the Delivery Room. The Reveal
Party featured Subway sandwiches, trays
of fruits and vegetables, and plenty of
pastries!
     Maybe these new ideas aren't so bad
after all!
     Hope all your..........oh...wait a minute!
     I forgot to mention.......It's a BOY....
and all our NEWS is great!!!!!!!