Now Hear This!

   Cars these days come with a lot
of bells and whistles.
   I guess when you read about them
in the owner's manual....we all read
that...right? Well, I guess they all
seem kind of neat.
    But reading about them is one
thing. Hearing them is quite another!
    I'm dealing with some of those
bells right now.
    Every time I start my Miata I get a
series of 5 'bell sounding' rings that
go off five times!  That's like...ding,ding,
ding, ding, ding....five of those....five
times.
    It's a bit of an embarrassment...unless
you know how to handle it!
    I've come up with a couple of
options.  One is to let my door open
until the concert of chimes ends. This
way people who walk by assume it's
an alarm that will shut off as soon as
I shut the door.
    The second, I think, is pretty clever.
    I try to park in a spot where I have to
back out as soon as I start the car. That
way everybody thinks that my little
sports car has a back up alarm like all
those big municipal trucks!
    We all know all those bells, whistles,
and warning lights are suppose to go
off when you first turn the key just to
show you they're working.
    But the 'bong' and accomping
warning light for Air Bags in my van
has a mind of its own. They go off every
now and then whenever they feel like
it. Since the bell sounds essentially
like the one that goes off when the gas
tank gets low I'm never sure if I'm
about to run out of gas or get slapped
in the face with a super big baggie!
    Then there's the Car Theft Alarm!
    These are the clever devices
designed to blare your car horn over
and over if someone tries to get into
your car without a key!
     I was leaving the parkade at the
Steam Town Mall yesterday when I
saw the gentleman lock his car and
walk away. I was waiting a minute or
so till my 5-beep concert ended.
     But as mine stopped...his
started. The combination of his horn,
low ceiling, and concrete walls of
the garage made it sound as if
someone had just made a break from
the Federal Prison at Waymart.
   But it wasn't the same. Guards
would have noticed at the prison.
   Nobody noticed ....or at least
nobody did anything about the car
alarm as it went through its cycle.
   Since nobody was breaking into
his car and nobody was around to
appreciate my 'Open Door Alarm'
I just decided to drive off with the
sounds of his car alarm blaring, and
echoing in the distance.
    If they're going to have car alarms
I think they should be wired to set
off a loud horn on the owner's key
chain! That way he or she, who
probably care, can check it out to
see if their vehicle is still there!
    I think I have one of those theft
alarms too. It just hasn't gone off
yet.
    So...wave to me if we meet at
the Dairy Queen parking lot (it's
National Ice Cream Sandwich Day).
    You'll probably hear me as I'm
backing out!
    Hope all your bells and whistles
are tuned and that all your NEWS
is good!