The Shopping Network!

 My wife and I did some shopping
yesterday. Some "selective shopping."
 We intentionally stayed away from
the so-called "Big Box stores" to
try to find some bargains at the
smaller market places.
 There are some big differences.
 And they're not all in the prices!
 Go to the big store and you'll
hear a lot of people with that
"Thank for for shopping" such and
such line. That's nice, polite, and
pleasant. But it also gets to be a
little routine.
 When we stopped at the small
produce stand we heard all about
how the clerk got his
hands slapped by the nun in
parochial school because the sister
remembered something the guy's
father did when he was a student!
 Too bad we didn't have more time
to get the whole story!
 There's automatic doors at the
big chain store outlets.
 Come on now! You should be getting
some exercise while you're working
your way between the aisles of
baked goods and ice cream.
 Before we got to check out the
oranges, apples, and pears we got
to work our way around an
obstacle course of construction
men and equipment as they dug a
trench and set up police-like
yellow tape as close as possible
to the entrance door....which,
under normal circumstances, would
have been the exit.
 We not only got the goods.
 We got the blood flowing.
 But the small shops and the big
stores do have one thing in
common.
 You know those rolled plastic
bags you pull out for your fruit?
 I still can't open them!
 I rub what I believe is the top
between my fingers. But as hard as
I try it still looks like a single
sheet of plastic.
 I believe market owners, large
and small, have specifically
designed the containers so they can
only be open by a wife. And only
after a man has fooled with the
bag for five minutes without
success.
 I think that's why you usually
see women doing the shopping!
 We also hit one of those 'budget
bakery' outlets. You know. The
places where you can get a lot of
those 'three of these for five
dollars deals!'
 You go because you need things
like bread and rolls and they're
cheap there.
 But they're not stupid! They also
set out 50 kinds of 'snack products'
that are just too attractive to
pass. So you end up with three
loaves of bread and two bags
filled with chips, donuts, and
other goodies you probably
wouldn't have bought had you
gone to your regular grocery store.
 Come to think of it I think I'm
hungry for a couple of those
fig bars!
 Time to check out now.
 Hope all your NEWS is good!