Sunday, March 20, 2016


         THE BIG HAM!

    No! This is not an autobiography!
This is the story of a search. My search.
    As most of your already know,
shopping is not on top of my "fun things
to do list." That said, I found myself
volunteering to go to the market
yesterday to search for some pineapple
juice with which to combat my 4-week-
old cough.
     Then came those words I, and
probably most men, always fear will
follow such a decision. "Well as long
as you're going check the shopping
list on the refrigerator." And then my
wife added "I can probably trust you to
pick out a ham."
      The ham in question will serve as
the main menu item on next week's
Easter menu for our annual family
gathering. "See what they look like
and check the prices," she said.
       I've always taken a pretty good
look at any meat we're buying when
we're shopping together. Admittedly
I tend to picture it totally cooked on
the grill and ready to eat. I may have
even looked at the price from time to
time. But not very closely.
      In this case weight was also an
important consideration as we usually
have a pretty decent crowd at our
holiday gathering.
      Let's get back to "looking" at the
ham. Has anybody else noticed that
most of the hams set out for the
Easter rush are packed in gold and
purple aluminum? While I have been
a mild mannered reporter for many
of my years I never did get that X-Ray
vision that my colleague Clark Kent
      Fortunately one bin was filled
with hams that were not hidden by
their wrappers. Of course, they all
looked alike!
      I picked one up, called home,
and described the ham I was holding,
hoping for immediate approval. While
it fit the price requirements it proved
a little short on weight. So I spent
the next couple minutes with the cell
phone in one hand, trying to pick up
the biggest hams I could find in the
     Having finally selected the
largest available I was given the OK
and made my way to check out where
the clerk used a hand scanner to ring
up my ham rather than trying to lift
it. It's safely home now ready for the
weekend feast!
      Hope I can lift my fork.......and
that all your NEWS is good!

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